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Just another bad day

September 11, 2008

Today is a bad day, and I don’t know why. Well, I know why, but I don’t know why today is worse than yesterday.  I hate it that he’s gone, that we had so little time with him, that the presence of his absence is palpable and throbbing. I hate it that, for whatever reason, I’m afraid to go outside today, afraid to even check email. I’m still in my pajamas and the damned sports bra, haven’t showered or brushed my hair (or my teeth), and I have a small but persistent headache. I keep falling into fits of sobbing and my glasses are spattered with dried tears. And N would like me to go with him to a lecture this evening. Have I mentioned that I’m afraid to leave the house?

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