Reentering the world

October 1, 2008

Today I started back at work and had my teeth cleaned, so it’s already more eventful than the average day. It hasn’t gone smoothly, but so far it is all better than I thought it would be, and for this I am very grateful indeed.

The last time I was at the dentist I didn’t have X-rays because of the pregnancy, and my dental hygienist, whom I love, reduced me to tears by asking me if we had a boy or a girl. I feel like I live these moments in slow motion, feeling my face crumple and my tear ducts go into overdrive and then watching horror dawn on the face of the person I’m talking to as he or she recognizes that something is very wrong. I can almost hear the slow-mo “NNnnoooooooooooooooo” in the background. But this lovely woman reacted so well to my tears – handed me tissues, said she was so sorry and I should feel free to cry as much as I needed to, and then she asked very gently what happened. Then we got the teeth cleaning over with.

There is a lot of catching up to do at work and I have more email than any human being should have to read. I also have some of the world’s best co-workers and an office door that locks, both of which are helpful in rocky moments. I’m doing what I have to do, I guess, and my game face is acceptable, but reentering the world is also reminding me that it’s still early and that I’m still wounded.

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