A rose for us

October 16, 2008

Yesterday marked two months since Teddy’s birth. Today marks two months since he died. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with him, it seemed like everything around me started to bloom. A Christmas cactus that had remained surly and without flowers for over a year suddenly burst into a wealth of bright fuschia. The snowdrops came up. New leaves appeared on the lilac bushes outside our back windows. I took it all as a sign that everything would be okay, and even though sometimes now it seems like nothing is okay, I’m not bitter about the promise of those flowers.

We said hello and goodbye to our boy in the City of Roses, in the hospital’s courtyard garden, and I am more grateful than I can say to everyone who made our goodbye beautiful. It was beyond beautiful, that goodbye; it was what came after that was harrowing.

And I’m still harrowed, and this is a hard day, and I’m seeking comfort wherever I can find any. Here’s a bit of it that I’ve found, a rose and some words about roses to share, because so many of us need and deserve love and roses.

Roses are for love. Not forget-me-not, honeysuckle, silly sweethearts’ love, but the love that makes you and keeps you whole, love that gets you through the worst your life’ll give you and that pours out of you when you’re given the best instead.

From Robin McKinley’s Rose Daughter


One comment

  1. You are not alone. Neither are they. I love that our babies, both of whom were born with CDH, departed from their complicated little bodies outside in gardens…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: