Just a note

Darling little boy,

This is one of those days where I miss you very much.  I want you here with me, where you should be.  I want to spend a slow spring break day watching you discover more of the world.  I want to know if you really have your daddy’s chin or if I was imagining things.

I want to know what color your eyes are, what your laugh sounds like, whether you are right- or left-handed.  I want to see and hold and smell you, to be able to gather you up and hug you.  I want to watch you sleeping, to know what your favorite toy is.  Days like today, I want and want and want.

I still can’t believe I get none of those things.

You would have been seven months old this past Monday.  Seven.  I have no idea what that would look like, but I’m sure you would have worn it well.

Time stretches out so long before me, Teddy, and it’s so much time without you, so much time to bear not having you here.  I bear it better than I used to, but I’m so tired, baby boy.

I wish I could get you back, that we never had to let you go.

I wish I knew what seven months looked like.