Safe arrival

March 25, 2009

We have a nephew.  His middle name, like Teddy’s, is Isaac.

It was very sweet of them to remember our Teddy in their son’s name.  It makes me feel a little less as though our little guy will be forgotten in the joy over this new arrival.  I hope he brings them all the laughter I envisioned Teddy bringing us when I chose that name.

Part of me, the wounded and jealous part, wishes, just a little bit, that they would have asked us about the name first.  I am trying to shut that part of me up; it’s not the important part.

Part of me thinks it’s terribly unfair that Teddy isn’t still here to bear that name.  That part has a righteous complaint, and I can’t shut it up.

But I am trying to be mostly glad for them, because it is a joyous thing, this birth.  And I’m trying to focus on how kind of them it was to remember us at this birth.  I’m trying to focus on that instead of focusing on reliving my own time in L&D.

I really am happy for them.

But I miss my own boy so very much, and I can’t stop crying.



  1. These births are always so tough to get through Erica, after our own losses. I think it is lovely they used Teddy’s name, but you’re right, maybe they could have asked first. Either way, they probably couldn’t win.
    Let the tears come. I’m glad your nephew is here safe.

  2. Welcome to your little nephew.

    I know, every time a baby is born to someone close to us, I lose it emotionally. Like you I try to be happy, but there is a whole other mix of emotions in there. Draining and exhausting.

    Thinking of you.

  3. It is a joyous thing, indeed, this birth thing. Just not every time.

    I think every baby that has been born alive and kicking to any one of my family and friends since C died has only served to make me feel worse that my own son did not survive. But it’s not about me or C even. And I hate that.

    Thinking of you, Erica. And Teddy, too.

  4. Oh, Erica… my heart aches for you ((hugs))
    It is so bittersweet, isn’t it?
    i’m thinking of you, holding Teddy and you in my heart. xo

  5. I completely get it. What an honor for your family that they used Teddy’s middle name for their boy.

    Each time someone in my ring of family and friends welcomes a living baby boy, I have to swallow hard and hold back the tears. Especially when he is a first-born.

    Thinking of you through this bittersweet welcoming…

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