Perfect Storm

July 6, 2009

This is a high blood pressure week, a perfect storm of anxiety.

In about an hour, we’re meeting out GP to go over Teddy’s medical records, to get some reassurance that he had the best possible care and that we didn’t let anything slip.  I think N would be relieved to be able to blame someone, but hopefully if there’s no one to blame (as I strongly suspect) he’ll be able to let go.  It’s so damned hard to accept that there wasn’t anything we could have done to save him, that we didn’t (and don’t) have control over what happened, what happens.

I am leaving for another library conference on Friday, and due to, um, various factors (not the least of which is my uncanny ability to procrastinate) I have yet to get plane tickets or make hotel reservations.  Fun stuff!  (This is the exclamation mark of irony.)

Since finding out we aren’t renewing our lease, my landlord has turned vindictive, and kind of crazy.  So we have a court date on Thursday, where we explain to the nice judge that we really don’t think that calling your landlord to complain about a leaky roof and about roof construction that starts at 8:00 a.m. on Sunday without advanced notice is harassment. And we get to do this after she says nasty things about us.

Our future landlord still hasn’t cashed the check he said he’d cash to hold the new place.  Chances are he just hasn’t gotten around to it yet, but (if I don’t chicken out) I’ll be calling him this afternoon to make sure we still have a place to move come August.  Having to do last-minute apartment hunting is one of my least favorite nightmares.

I have a report to finish writing by the end of today, and some committee work that needs to be finished by Wednesday at the latest, and I’m now in charge of department meetings, which means I have to read the minutes thoroughly instead of skimming them.

I keep wondering where the cute summer clothes are that I was wearing last summer and then I realize, those were cute summer maternity clothes, and I sent them to Goodwill.  I may actually be the frumpiest librarian at this conference, and if you’ve ever seen librarians gathered en masse, you’ll realize that this is saying something.  At least I finally had my hair cut.

And I’m kind of freaked out by flying in the first trimester.  Doctor says no problem, and I agree with her, but still…

The comforting thing, of course, is that by the end of this week, stress should be much reduced, but in the meantime, I feel like I’m standing in an absolute vortex of the stuff.  It’ll ease after I make some reservations and dig into my deadlined projects, but it’s a lot to deal with in one week.  So, is anyone working on that magical alcoholic beverage that has no negative affects for pregnant or trying moms?  Because I’d really love to sip something cool and spiked, something that would help loosen these knots in my neck.



  1. So help on the mythical elusive alcoholic drink for pregnant moms, but you clearly deserve a prenatal massage. Good luck getting through the week.

  2. If you find that drink, send some this way!!

  3. i missed your news earlier this week…and i get the strange place you are in, where everything feels sort of in stasis, like it’s good news but more just okay, next hurdle…and the horror of all the apartment stuff looms extra large because it’s just too much.

    so i will simply send you love, and hope all goes as well as it can and you just ride it out and through and into the eventual joy long deserved.

  4. papaya nectar? You can pretend….

    stressful weeks suck. hope you can squeeze in some time to relax and breathe

    and take care of baby!

  5. URGH. esp your crazy landlord… yikes.

    Enjoy the conference, I am sure you are absolutely glowing. Take care. xo

    • I need that drink too.

      Good luck with the landlord. Ugh. Some people.

  6. congrats on the pregnancy! i know you are in the very early stages and must be sooo nervous, but its still great news. i’m hoping for a little of this news soon too.
    good luck with all the crazy stuff this week. just take your deep breaths and relax and get through them.
    lots of love xo

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