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Eleven months

July 15, 2009

More roses for my boy

There’s a folktale out there about how time was invented to make grief bearable.  Sometimes I think that the reason time slides and shifts under us so strangely is because making grief bearable is such a terribly difficult and tricky task.  Time does its best, and I’m grateful, but it’s not the cure-all some people think it is, and today I just sit here and wonder, How can it be only eleven months since he was born? And also, Only eleven months? It feels like half of forever.

How can it be so nearly a whole year since I first saw your darling face?

Time flies and drags and slides, but no matter how much of it passes, we still love you, little guy.


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12 comments

  1. Thinking of you Erica. And Teddy, of course. As always, I’m right behind you. What the hell are we supposed to do next month????


  2. I don’t know that anything makes grief bearable. Time certainly tries its best, but it’s nearly three years now since Freyja died, and if I close my eyes and let myself remember, it feels like it’s yesterday. Time doesn’t change that. Thinking of you.


  3. You’re so right, there isn’t anything that can make our grief ‘bearable’. Time may soften the pain a little, but time can also smack us in the face pretty hard.

    Thinking of you all and your gorgeous Teddy


  4. I don’t know if time has changed my grief – but it has certainly given me the chance to learn how to live with it on a day to day basis. I’ll be thinking of you today.


  5. Thinking of you and sweet Teddy.


  6. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but what we do with it sometimes helps comfort. ((((hugs))))


  7. I just stumbled across your blog. I recently lost my son. Your the first blog I have read that I felt a connection. I would like to email you.


    • I just emailed you with email info, Sharon. I am so very sorry.


  8. It’s been one of the hardest things for me to accept. As time ticks away, life goes on, leaving our babies – those sweet, sweet babies – behind.

    Time takes us further and further away from the intensity of the pain. I will give it that…but not much else.


  9. (((hugs))) Erica.
    Holding you and Teddy in my heart. xoxo


  10. Time, it’s not the cure-all! How profound! And you are so right, many people think it is. I keep hearing that…give it time, time heals all wounds…and all I can think of is HOGWASH!! It’s been 6 long months for me…6 months already?? Time is weird.


  11. i feel the same way. in some ways i cannot believe its been 10 months since silas was born and died. and other moments i feel like we’ve been standing in place while life has kept going.

    how we all made it to this point, i haven’t a clue.
    i guess all of us together, reading, commenting and being there for each other.

    lots of love erica-
    xo Lani



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