The evening before

August 14, 2009

I was doing so well today, staying busy at work, getting things done, working hard to be upbeat about our move into the new place (which is almost ready for us, almost).  But the sun is setting and I feel like the business and optimism that have been holding me up are crumbling away now.

Tomorrow is Teddy’s birthday, his first.

This isn’t a profound or thoughtful post.  This is a howl: he should be here.

Right now I feel tired.  I feel broken and afraid.  I want him back.  And tomorrow may be better or worse in bits, and the day after may be as well, but for now I think I just need to sit here and cry, to miss him and let myself miss him, to howl.



  1. Missing him with you. From another sad and broken Mummy. He’s been on my mind all day. It is already his birthday here.

  2. Can I howl with you??

  3. He should be here. I’m so sorry.
    Happy birthday sweet boy. xo

  4. Thinking of you both so deeply today.

  5. Thinking of you and remembering Teddy today. I’m so sorry he isn’t there with you.

  6. He should be here. HE SHOULD. Holding Teddy and his family in my thoughts.

  7. He should INDEED. Missing him with you today xoxo

  8. I am so sorry to be late to this, Erica. Know though that I’ve been holding you in my thoughts since August began.
    Missing Terry with you. ((hugs))

  9. I’m sorry to be late too, holding you & Teddy close on this day. Big hugs. xo

  10. He Should Be Here.

    Yes. Yes. Yes.

  11. Thinking of you as I have been throughout this month. Wish Teddy were with you.

  12. So so very sorry – wishing Teddy was here with you.

    Thinking of you and sending much support.

  13. Teddy should be here. I so feel you, Erica. Just the other day, I think maybe for the first time, I had the same thought about Tikva. She should be here. Walking. Taking first steps, getting her sea legs. They SHOULD be here. I am so sorry Teddy is not here with you, eating cake. A few days late, but I am sending huge hugs your way. And love.

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