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Flowers on Mother’s Day

May 6, 2011

Clematis

Last year, on Mother’s Day, I received flowers from my in-laws congratulating me on my first Mother’s Day. They mean well, and they love me, but it stung. There may never be a Mother’s Day when I don’t think of those flowers.

The year before I received flowers, completely unexpectedly, from friends from work, who remembered me and Teddy. There will never be a Mother’s Day when I don’t think of those flowers.

The year before that, my mother sent flowers to me as the “expectant mother.” We’d just started to see the specialist about the possibility of something being wrong with Teddy, but we were told it was likely everything was fine. I was worried, but hopeful. I’d forgotten about those flowers until last night, talking with my mother on the phone.

This year I got myself flowers – two clematis plants for the corner of the yard I’ve been gardening in. One should be a nice Wedgwood blue, and the other a deep purple. I’m hoping they’ll twine together in interesting ways and climb up the tree outside the living room window. I’ve started to think of the small bit of gardening I do as a way to remember Teddy, but maybe it’s also a channel for some of the attention and love and nurturing I wanted to give him. It helps somehow that they’re just plants. They may live and thrive (they should thrive after I provided them so generously with manure and careful planting), which will make me happy, but if they die, I’ll just be sad, not destroyed.

I’ll be remembering you, too, this weekend, my babylost mother friends. I hope Sunday is kind to you. I hope you find solace and comfort in surprising places, and that if solace and comfort is out of reach, that the days pass quickly.

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3 comments

  1. A beautiful picture; a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it. I’m sure the clematis will be just lovely.


  2. Right back at you, Erica. Given things have happened for us on a very similar timeline, I have similar thoughts about flowers/gifts and sentiments given/said to me over the course of the last few Mother’s Days. I think these first few ones will be forever seared in to my brain. The one where I was happy, expectant and full of hope, the one where I was lost, broken and totally bereft and the one that was finally joyful, but utterly bittersweet. I guess they will all be a bittersweet from here on in.
    xo


  3. I love the idea of using some of the nurturing energy you wanted to give Teddy into gardening. I think that is part of why I love working in Henry’s garden.

    Wishing you a peaceful Mother’s Day.



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