Posts Tagged ‘ten months’


Ten Months

June 15, 2009

I still want Teddy back.  Can I have him back, please?

Life is so full right now, so very full.  Things keep happening, and some of them are good, and all of them keep me busy, but I can’t seem to be busy enough to stop missing my boy.

We are moving in August, into the house we so dearly wanted, a crew of contractors will be in our current place this week, fixing interior water damage and driving N and the cats to distraction, Mom was here for a visit, after much scrubbing and vacuuming the house is almost clean, we’ve been having friends over for dinner, and I have new sandals coming in the mail.

While she was here over the weekend, my mom said something like “Once you have a child, you’ll be so busy you won’t know what to do.”  I know she meant it kindly and hopefully, and furthermore, that it’s almost certainly true, but it made me balk and squirm and stumble over my reply.  I had wanted that kind of busy.  That’s what I’d signed up for, in fact.  And if we have another baby, if we are so lucky, part of me will always be thinking, There should be two. And if we end up with two more, I’ll think, There should be three.

For the rest of my life, I  should always be busier than I am.  For the rest of my life, I’ll never be quite as busy as I want to be, even when I’m overwhelmed, overloaded, and dropping balls all over the place.

I’m coming to terms (if not yet to peace) with all of this.  But today I can’t help wondering what it would be like to be mothering a rambunctious 10-month-old.  I can’t stop thinking how nice it would be.  Possibly hair-raising, harried, hectic, and so busy I wouldn’t know what to do with myself, but nice.

Love you, little one.  Wish you were here.